Saturday, February 11, 2012


     I'm maintaining about 90-95% adherence to the detox which I'm pretty happy with.  I'm not totally giving up on keeping out dairy, but I keep accidentally getting it.  At lunch today I ordered a prime rib and eggs plate but they were out.  They didn't tell me till everyone else's orders were in and we were playing a game so I rushed and chose a california omelet.  It wasn't until it arrived that I realized that it would (of course) contain cheese.  Oh well.

     Last night I had a rather upsetting dream which probably had something to do with my frustration with this detox.  In my dream I was out at a fancy meal with my extended family, and everyone was trying to get me food I could eat, but EVERYTHING had gluten.  Even a fruit salad and cottage cheese plate had a slice of toasted baguette on top!  and I kept sending things back and having people say things like "oh right! The cheese has gluten!" and trying to correct them that the cheese (or potato) was fine, it was the bread, or the crackers or whatever.  it was highly frustrating and I was really sad both that everyone was running around trying to feed me AND that I wasn't getting fed.

     I often (especially lately) have upsetting, disturbing or just unsettling dreams.  I'd like to have that change.  I've been trying to integrate "reality testing" into my day-to-day life so that I can become aware of when I'm dreaming and become a lucid dreamer.

     I think that the increase in negative dreams and anxiety in general is due to the unsettled transitional phase I'm currently in, in my life.  I'm living with my mom (we have a pretty good relationship at this point but we didn't get along in my teenage years and I worry about her judgements of me) and looking for an apartment.   I'm not working (I do have a job lined up but I can't start until my state license comes, hopefully in the next 2-3 weeks) and thus don't have a regular daily routine.

     This is also why I'm eating out and generally not cooking for myself so often.  I have been regularly eating meals at my best friend's place.  She and her boyfriend are not paleo-aligned (I'm working on it ;) ), though they are happy to accommodate my gluten-free needs.  My staying for dinner is not usually planned more than an hour in advance, if that.  So again, my routine is not a routine.  Its frustrating.  and I guess there's nothing more I can say than that.  Frustrating, but nothing I can really do till I find a place and start my job.

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